Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
