zippers are such a cool invention
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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