I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
