I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
