please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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