I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize