Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
