So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
