she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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