Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
