Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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