Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
