i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
