Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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