i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
