Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
