Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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