i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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