Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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