I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
