His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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