The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
