i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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