my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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