Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
