I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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