Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just blew my weed a kiss
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
