We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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