That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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