i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
