Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just had sex bonerless
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
