wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
