I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
