I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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