New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
