She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
