quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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