Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Boobs speak an international language.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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