i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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