I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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