sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
