i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
