I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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