so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
