3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
