really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
