I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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