OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
