dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need water and some morals
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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