shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
