Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I party with great urgency now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
