is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
