i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
