Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
