My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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