So drunk its hurt
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
