I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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