party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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