i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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