I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
