Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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