Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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