I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
