I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
