Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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