We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
