does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
