Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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