I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
