I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
