I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
