the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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