wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
