Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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