Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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