Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
false alarm, still single
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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