I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my liver is dry heaving
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
