Small penises have feelings too.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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