marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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