im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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