If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
