I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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