walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
