worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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