I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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